


Happy Birthday, Curiosity!

by Adaris



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Birthdays, Featuring the Curiosity rover, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Maxwell used to work for NASA, Plutonium-238, Pushing the limits of Kepler's patience, Seriously it was 3:30am what was I doing, Supporting your friends' weird ideas, Too much detail about the mechanics of space travel, Y'all can read my math on how fast the Urania goes in the notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 12:16:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16284443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adaris/pseuds/Adaris
Summary: Maxwell learns that theCuriosityrover sings happy birthday to itself on Mars, and that is Unacceptable. So unacceptable that she might have to derail their mission to Wolf-359 for a little detour.





	Happy Birthday, Curiosity!

**Author's Note:**

> I say that it takes two months to reach the _Hephaestus_ because: Lovelace’s shuttle with one VX3 would take 70 days to reach Earth at a top speed of 40.5 _c_. The VX5 is Even Faster TM! It’s likely they had to spend some time building the _Urania_ , since no other ship had nanoinfrastructure and the ship was a prototype. Launch was over 120 days after Cutter got Minkowski’s message, and the _Urania_ ’s top speed is probably close to 50 _c_ so SI5 could get to the Hephaestus 198 days after the star went Stargate. Long story short, the _Urania_ is real fast. The sub-light engines are a whole other conversation.

As ships go, the _Urania_ is nicer than most. Better than the others they've used, which were essentially glorified soup-can hellscapes. But despite all the technological advances, it's going to take them nearly two months to get to Wolf-359. Two months all trapped together on the same inescapable spacecraft, on a road trip that just. Keeps. Going.

Might as well get this over with. The engines roar as they take off from Earth, the gravity slamming them back in their seats and yanking them to the ground until the _Urania_ 's gravity systems engage and Jacobi's organs stop crushing each other. The solid-state rockets disengage from the _Urania_ and fall back to Earth, turning into fiery streaks across the atmosphere.

"Ready for second burn, CAPCOM," Kepler says.

"Confirmed, _Urania_ —"

"See you later!" Jacobi chimes as Kepler engages the second rockets that will take them out of Earth's orbit and then out of the solar system. They're pretty much dumbed-down versions of the VX5, which isn't great at handling sub-light speeds. Safety protocol dictates that they not engage the superluminal drive within the solar system, just in case they take out a badly placed asteroid or planet or something. Which Jacobi would pay a whole lot of money to see. Then they'll be at Wolf-359—in about two months.

Jacobi tries to forget about that part.

"Wait!" Maxwell shouts as they approach Mars. Purely on instinct, Kepler hits the all-stop and slams everyone forward in their seats. It's like crashing into a tree, but way less fun.

"What is it, Maxwell?" he asks in the tone of voice that indicates that if her response isn't up to par, then she, as a person, will cease to exist in an abrupt and violent manner.

"Sir, it's August fifth," she says. Because everyone knows what happens on August fifth!

"And?"

"Yeah, seconded." Jacobi cranes his neck to look at her.

"That's the day the _Curiosity_ rover landed on Mars in 2012. And every year, it sings happy birthday to itself all alone on the surface of Mars." She hugs her tablet to her chest. "All by itself, Kepler!"

After a magnificent pause, Kepler says, " _And?_ "

"Can we stop on Mars for five minutes to sing with it? I won't ask for anything else on this entire trip. If we start suiting up now, we can be down there when it starts at 1:20!" Her entire face lights up with hopefulness. "Please?"

Kepler stares ahead at the surface of Mars. "Maxwell—"

"Aw, look at that face. What difference will an hour make to the mission?" Jacobi asks. "It'll make her so happy!"

Kepler squints at the surface of Mars. "Nothing else for the entire trip, Maxwell. You ask for so much as a soda, the answer will be n—"

"Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!" Maxwell bounces out of her seat and floats towards the airlock.

He sighs, but without much annoyance. "Jacobi, start landing procedure. Let's find this robot and get out of here."

Jacobi can't stop himself from smiling as he scans for the _Curiosity_ 's current location. "Colonel Kepler, are you getting soft on me?"

"Don't start."

"Thinking about poor widdle _Curiosity_ , all alone on its birthday…"

Kepler punches Jacobi's shoulder. "I said don't start."

 

"Wow, it's so bouncy out here!" Jacobi jumps towards the _Curiosity_ , which is a few hundred feet away, sending up clouds of pale dust. He could get used to one-third gravity.

"Hi, cutie!" Maxwell shouts at the rover, waving at it like it's going to wave back. "Happy birthday!"

Jacobi skids to a halt in front of the _Curiosity_. "Huh, it's so spiky. Also, way bigger than I thought it was from back there."

"Not too close, Jacobi. If it sees you, C̉̉ommand is going to be… very unhappy." Kepler stares down the golden-white rover, which is also covered in a thin layer of dust. Getting spotted on Mars without authorization might not be the best thing for them, especially since they're supposed to be en-route to the _Hephaestus_  right now.

"I might have temporarily looped outgoing signals, because it's not in data-collection mode, so we can get away with it! In more technical terms—"

"Don't wanna know!" Jacobi sing-songs.

"We can get close if we want, just make sure you don't leave any footprints behind. Also, don't break anything." She checks her watch. "We have maybe a minute until it's party time!"

"Cool. Should have brought a cake or something."

"If you get really close, you should be able to hear _Curiosity_ singing. Well, not really singing, more like humming out a tune." She sits down right next to the rover, getting dust all over her space suit. Jacobi stands close-ish to her, wondering exactly why they're here. Who cares about a robot?

The alarm on Maxwell's watch goes off.

Jacobi can hear a faint buzzing from the robot, like Wall-E singing very, very quietly.

Maxwell sings happy birthday along with the rover, and when she smacks his shin, Jacobi grudgingly joins in. Kepler's in the background, taking photos like a traitor.

"Happy birthday, _Curiosity_ ," Maxwell says. "Okay, now I'm replacing your battery!"

"That was not on the agenda." Kepler's patience is already stretched thinner than filo pastry.

She's cracking open the rover's back in under five seconds anyway, removing panels and taking apart things that she should definitely not be touching. "I'll be fast, I promise. Wow, that thing is heavy. Jacobi, hold this!"

"What exactly is this?" he asks, turning over the white module she gives him. The inside paneling is bright, reflective red, and it has the word NASA written on it in very large letters to let Jacobi know that no, he should not be touching this.

"About ten pounds of non-weapons-grade plutonium-238," she says offhandedly with a screwdriver in one hand and a socket wrench in the other. 

"Oh, so nuclear bomb without the bomb." Disappointing. 

She snorts, which sounds like static over their radios. "That battery has a lifespan of about fourteen years. NASA's probably not going to get out here to replace it by then, so… _Curiosity_ will die. But I'm swapping in a Goddard Futuristics battery that'll last for fifty years or more! No one's actually tested it, so it could last even longer. I could get some seriously good data from this."

Judging by his voice, Kepler is definitely rolling his eyes right now. "No, you're not. Maxwell, put the plutonium back. What would NASA say if they found a different battery inside the rover twenty years down the line? Or if the rover's battery never ran out?"

"Thank you, probably," she grumbles.

"I think they'll be more like 'what the fresh hell is this?' as opposed to 'oh, thank you, Maxwell, thank you!'" Jacobi supplies, hefting the nuclear battery in his arms. It's too light in Mars' gravity, and he nearly throws it over his shoulder instead. "We can come back later with more plutonium, if this means so much to you. Although I don't really get why."

The Goddard Futuristics battery is still in her hands. "Before I became Black Ops; actually, before I got into AI stuff, I worked on the _Curiosity_ project. The last sane, normal thing that I did, probably. I just… I don't want it to die. Especially not all alone, so far form Earth." She sits back in the dust, and then grabs the plutonium back from Jacobi. "If you _promise_  we can come back, then it's okay. I don't want to leave this guy out here."

"Yes, we all pinky-promise to take care of your robot," Kepler sighs. "Now put that battery back where it came from—"

"—or so help me?" Jacobi snickers.

"I _will_ leave you here."

"No, you won't."

 

* * *

 

Jacobi stares down at the _Curiosity_. "Hey, buddy."

The rover picks up a rock sample.

"Well, don't mind me, then."

The rover places the rock sample into a tray.

"I'll just be a second." Jacobi turns the _Curiosity_ off and starts taking out its nuclear battery pack. A part of him wants to keep it, but on the other hand, it _is_ ten pounds of radioactive material. He fits in the new battery, which looks identical and should last at least twenty-five years. And he can always come back and replace that one, too, if he can find enough plutonium.

He stands back as the rover powers back on again, cameras blinking.

Jacobi's watch ticks over to 1:20 AM. "Happy birthday, _Curiosity_."

The rover doesn't sing, just keeps taking samples from the dirt. Someone on Earth decided that it didn't need a birthday anymore, although like hell is Jacobi forgetting.

"Happy birthday, _Curiosity_ ," Minkowski echoes. "She'd be really happy you came back, you know."

He stands up, the reddish Martian dirt staining his knees. The old battery weighs a thousand pounds in his arms, and even though he can't feel it through the suit (otherwise he'd be dead), he thinks it's a little bit warm. "Well, now we’re done. Let's get the hell outta Dodge."

She doesn't move from her position near the rover. "What, we spent all this time getting the plutonium-238, and you just want to _leave_?"

"Yeah. Mission accomplished. Time to move out," Jacobi says, turning back towards the _Urania_.

"No," she says in true Minkowskian fashion, arms crossed. "You really want to go that much?"

"Obviously. Or have I not been clear enough? _Let's go_ ," he snaps.

"Fine, then let's go." Minkowski marches towards the _Urania_ , and Jacobi follows. He knows she didn't think that he would. Joke's on her.

Takeoff is smooth and uneventful. The _Urania_ 's less of a refined technological marvel and more of an old space minivan at this point, but you'd never tell by the way the ship flew. Almost like nothing has changed.  

As they pull away from Mars, he can imagine that he sees the white panels of the _Curiosity_ on a plain far below.

"I'll be back next year—I promise."

Minkowski smiles, and he smacks her shoulder.

Mars shrinks into the distance, until it's just another red star in the sky.


End file.
